


Not if it's you

by Nick_heirfrost



Category: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Angst, Drake mallard's insecure, Drake won't let himself be loved, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lots, Lots of Hurt, M/M, Two idiots in love they just don't know it yet, before comfort, they know their in love but oblivious to each others ardent love for the other, way before comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24484732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nick_heirfrost/pseuds/Nick_heirfrost
Summary: Drake Mallard was many things, a defender of the city, a father, an actor, but a deserving man he was not.
Relationships: Drake Mallard/Launchpad McQuack
Comments: 1
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!

Drake Mallard was many things, a defender of the city, a father, an actor, but a deserving man he was not. 

Those were the thoughts he had on the morning launchpad came when gosalyn called him at 5 am for the 5th time that week, when he arrived minutes later, car semi crashed in his mailbox (he was getting better, last time it was the fire hydrant). Those were the thoughts that he had as he let launchpad bandage him up and bring him ice, he thanked him profusely for coming just so Gosalyn could sleep, he thanked him for being there at the ungodly hour on such short notice. 

But it still didn’t feel like enough, there was something in him that pressed him to continue, “launchpad you really don’t have to do this everyday, I appreciate it but I can do this myself, and really you’ve done so much, between driving gosalyn back from practice and coming to patch me up or explaining to the police I’m not some weido or villain-” 

launchpad cut in “don’t forget they're starting to remember you DW, and driving gosalyn is on my way back from work- ” drake didn’t let him carried away, because when he got going it was hard to get him out of it. 

He was going to continue when launchpad cut in once more and said “I like doing this, it lets me help the hero I’ve always looked up too, I like doing what’s right...because that’s what darkwing duck taught me” 

Drake sighed, who was he kidding he wasn’t darkwing, he wasn’t what launchpad saw in him, he would never be.

He sighed and kept quiet as launchpad continued to clean his cuts, “hey you want to watch season one of darkwing duck again?”

Drake nodded and added “Don’t forget to keep quiet, gosalyn has practice tomorrow” launchpad happily agreed and got up to prepare the tv. Drake watched him from afar, smiling as launchpad struggled with the tv, humming the theme song as he struggled with what to press. 

He fell asleep after the third episode, thinking of how wonderful launchpad was, wondering how he got so lucky with a friend like him. 

***

He awoke in his bed, a note on his face, and faintly remembering gosalyn snickering- Gosalyn! He got up and jumped out of bed before realizing he was still in uniform, he called out as he struggled out of his suit. 

“gosalyn I’m sorry! Are you ready? Gosalyn?” he turned to look at the clock and realizing what time it was he tried to run out, tripping on himself “Gosalyn!” he cried out, but still there came no reply, he panicked, she was probably mad, he raced down the hall and was already expecting her angry face and attitude. 

But when she wasn’t there he slightly panicked, he almost went running down the street until he saw something fall off of him and picked it up, the sticky note he had failed to notice on his forehead read “launchpad’s taking me to practice, dorkwing dad. P.S you owe me big time” he sighed and felt the panic in him melt away, he let his exhaustion catch up to him, and happily went back to bed. Slightly wondering what the snickering he heard was from, knowing gosalyn he would investigate, but maybe it was just his dream, and he was too tired to care. 

***

He awoke once more from a nightmare, that and his empty stomach, he tried not to think of his nightmare as he laid in bed debating what to do, he could faintly smell something already made and he could hear talking downstairs. He got out of bed and went down to investigate, he saw a girl in a pink bow, another girl with a pink streak in her hair and another with curly hair, gosalyn was laughing with them, launchpad happily eating a burger with the girls, he saw a myriad of food displayed in front of him, he waived to the girls “so gosalyn are you going to introduce me to your friends?” 

Gosalyn smiled and pointed to the one with the pink bow “That’s webby, this is lena and violet” 

Violet spoke “sorry for coming unannounced, launchpad said it was okay, we brought this food to eat before going to the library, we’re conducting research on my sisters mystical powers of the dark arts” 

Webby chimed in “we met gosalyn on the ride there and she showed us her cool techniques, launchpad picked her up from her martial arts practice, so we invited her to come if she can” lena stayed quiet and continued eating. 

Drake assumed this was part of some game, like D&D or some other thing. He nodded “can’t do any harm, and do you know when you’ll be back? Where do you want me to pick you up from? The library? Or are you going to go somewhere else after?” 

Violet took out a square-ish looking card with patterns of wispy little designs, the card said where they were going and from when until when and where in the library they could be found if not at the entrance. On the back there was a schedule for the month when they were meeting on that matter. 

He smiled, these children were very professional, “alright I don’t see the harm in this, oh look there are phone numbers here, very nice...well gosalyn it looks like your in good hands...as long as you behave” 

Gosalyn sighed “yeah dad” the girls celebrated on their new addition to their group and planned on what they were going to do once they got there. 

He turned to launchpad who was smiling at him with a face full of ketchup, he moved to sit next to him and gestured to the food “can I have some?” 

Launchpad nodded “Got it at a buffet, everyone wanted something different so we got just about everything” 

He thanked him once more and happily got his serving, “So...Drake you locked up some bad guy last night, right?” 

Drake sighed as he ate his food “somewhat, there was an accomplice that got away, I only saw them once, I’m still debating if they were even real” launchpad listened as he tried wiping away the ketchup on his face. “It wasn’t so bad actually, I met up with gizmo duck, he was reluctant to take my help but he eventually let me. So that’s something to look forward to seeing as he really needs my help” 

Launchpad nodded and finished his burger, he saw the girls packing up, “I gotta take them to the library” they made their way out of the house while drake calmly ate his food, he calmly enjoyed every bite of meal before drake came to the realization as too who was driving the girls, he ran out to offer to take them instead but launchpad was already gone. He went back inside and tried to convince himself that they were fine, even if he knew he was lying it calmed him. 

He finished eating and began cleaning up the house, he kept his mind busy, not wanting to remember what had scared him awake. He vacuumed with great aggressiveness seeing as he hadn’t cleaned the house in the past week. He continued on like this, a hurricane of cleaning, even if he did have some trouble with the laundry, but his favorite thing to do was ironing out his cape. He frowned when the sudden thoughts and memories of his situation came up as he stared at his cape, a hero’s cape, something he wasn’t. He pushed the repressed feelings down, he looked at the posters in their frames. They were of someone he wasn’t, someone he would never be, he could feel the tears flooding in, just like his dark thoughts. Thoughts he didn’t dare to think because he knew they were true, he was taken out of the numb feeling of loneliness when he heard the door slam open.

“Hey D- I mean drake! Are you home?” he sighed and his thoughts cleared, he smiled and went to the front door

“yeah Launchpad I’m here” he saw launchpad happily admiring all the posters before meeting eyes with the goofball. 

“I was just wondering...I don’t have to pick up Mr. Mcdee in a few hours so…” 

Drake chuckled “sure I’d love too” 

Launchpad smiled before asking “But you didn’t hear what I was going to say” 

Drake smiled like a lovesick fool, “no but I’ll do it anyways” launchpad smiled, “well I was gonna ask if you wanted to play with your action figures” drake’s expression didn’t falter “of course”

Launchpad grew visibly excited, and brought out his old figurines from his pockets. One thing he never had as a kid were friends, and to have one who loved the things he did as ardently as he did, maybe more, it was too good to be true. Someone so devoted to him, someone who inspired him to follow his dreams, to be a hero to himself and the citizens of the city, someone who took the time of day to be with him. He happily welcomed the thought of a kind savior to his problems, problems he never wanted to acknowledge, but maybe with launchpad’s help he might overcome those problems one day. But those horrible thoughts returned, the ones that told him launchpad wouldn’t like him if he knew what he was like, pathetic and weak. 

Launchpad had already set up the living room as a lair, making a mess of what drake had cleaned up, he didn’t care though, seeing as he got to watch launchpad happily wait for him.

“Hey Drake, can I play Darkwing this time?” Drake looked at launchpad, a little lost and dizzy from the sudden shifts in his thoughts.

“Uh yeah...no problem” he smiled and brought out his worn down figure, 

“Uh here use mine, I’ll be the liquidator, let me get the water gun” he went off to fill up the water gun that he had left on the dining table. It still had some water from the last time they played, he came back and found launchpad already ready and waiting for him. He laid down beside him and they began playing 

***

“You’ll never be enough Darkwing, never amount to being a good enough hero, you can’t even convince yourself” drake scowled, venom practically coming from his voice

“Uh...drake that doesn’t sound like liquidator” launchpad said with a bit of worry ringing in his voice 

“I uh...sorry about that, got carried away” he felt his face heat up a little, he was expecting to say something mean but definitely not anything like that. 

“Hey drake we can take a break, and do you...need to talk?” launchpad’s eyebrows were furrowed, face showing nothing but worry. Drake chuckled nervously, 

“I’m fine, really...look it’s about time you go to pick your boss up” launchpad looked at his watch, glancing at drake still unsure, his phoney smile almost convinced him.

‘’Well alright, but I’ll be back, I still think it was mighty nice of you to let gosalyn stay the night with her friends.” drake sighed 

“They looked like the type to be responsible with her, and hopefully it rubs off on her” he began picking up the figurine, he was going to take them away when launchpad held his wrist, gentle touch was something Mallard wasn’t used to. 

“I was wondering if I could stay the night...I’ve been having weird dreams” Drake's expression softened “of course launchpad, I’ll go prepare the spare bedroom” Launchpad smiled and hugged him tightly. Figurines pressing against their chests, he chuckled “well launchpad you should get going, I’ll wait for you alright?” launchpad nodded and left. 

Drake got back to work, cleaning up after them, preparing the bedroom, he left a spare darkwing duck plush in the bed, not minding having to share his. He waited for some time, watching the news, but not for long before he got tired of hearing of gizmo ducks reports. He was about to start afternoon patrol when he heard launchpad come in, he turned from his place on the couch and saw him a little bruised, almost out of it. He rushed to his side, 

“Hey launchpad what happened?” the worry in his voice was more apparent than he’d like it to be. 

“Oh nothing D.W I just caught up in one of gizmo duck's things, the boys were caught up in this crazy fight with a curse or something, it was in the bin, and gizmo duck got there. I tried to tell him to call you but the sea monster knocked us around. It was cool though, I think it had to do with louie taking something from their last adventure, remember the one I told you about the-”

Drake finished it with him “big city underwater, yeah that was like the third one you went to that month” launchpad chuckled as he fell on the couch, Drake going to get ice. “Hey drake?” he said, almost quietly, but that was probably from the distance they shared. 

“Yeah launchpad?” Drake placed the ice on his head, tying it with a darkwing duck bandana, “do you have weird dreams?” The question was a little out of place but not strange for launchpad. 

“I wouldn’t call them weird” he gave launchpad a reassuring smile, and so he continued 

“It’s just I’ve been having dreams, they feel so real, like they’re memories, and I’m different in them...I think I’m smart in them” he looked at drake in his eyes, holding his hand “it feels like there’s something they’re trying to tell me, something important...but I don’t know what” drake, liked the feeling of their hands together, he almost intertwined their fingers, but it felt wrong to do that. He knew he was launchpad’s friend, and nothing more, so the hand holding wasn’t on the friendly side, he rubbed circles in his palm “hey don’t worry about it, it’s probably yourself trying to tell you something like that your favorite color is purple, or you really like pudding” he let go of Launchpad’s hand but launchpad didn’t do the same. “Are you going on patrol?” he almost sounded sad, drake fought himself for a moment. “Uh no not tonight, why?” launchpad's smile returned “well could we read the darkwing comics and do the voices?” Drake chuckled “I’ll go get them...are you sure your head doesn’t hurt?” launchpad shook his head. 

Drake returned and found launchpad happily waiting for him, looking at him like he hung the stars, he sat down by his side as he brought out the two boxes, he took the first one and began to read. 

***

He brought launchpad to bed, he struggled for a bit before laying him down, trying to pull the covers over him before launchpad pulled him in, he sighed and slipped out discreetly, leaving a pillow behind. He looked down at him, smiling fondly, he pulled the covers over him, watching him take the darkwing plush. He wandered off to fix the couch and comics, only returning when he was done. He looked at launchpad one last time before heading off to his bed, sleepily wondering what he would make for breakfast tomorrow.


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drake has nightmares and unexpectedly has someone to wake up to.

Drake looked around himself, he was on the set of the finale flames engulfing the background, he looked up to see Jim starling holding a death ray in his hand above him on boxes, he was laughing at him, children from his childhood all around him, laughing. But next to Jim was someone laughing at him, something that hurt his heart too much to breathe, he looked into their eyes, their beautiful laughter morphing into something cynical. Something grotesque and mocking, he watched as launchpad laughed at him, by Jim's side. Jim shot him with the ray as he laughed maniacally, the pain was insurmountable, he fell to his knees as he was shot over and over again, pain freezing him in place. 

“Stay down! Give up, you're not Darkwing! You’ll never be, and you’ll never amount to anything more than your pathetic little life” the feeling of his every atom being ripped apart burned, he could take it, he looked up and saw launchpad looking down at him with disgust. That almost brought him down, the feeling of his heart being torn apart over and over again. He didn’t go down though, he pressed on and reached down to his weapons belt, but there was nothing there, he felt his tears flooding in but not falling as launchpad’s laughter stopped and was replaced with his venomous words.

“Your pretty sad drake, just give up and let the old-” jim corrected him “original darkwing do his job, you can’t do this, you could never do this” it sounded like launchpad, but he didn’t care, he wouldn’t give up. He made a promise to the real launchpad, to him and his daughter.

He was shot full force with the gun, screaming out as he reached out, seeing launchpad holding the gun, it was another blow that dropped him to a crawl, he shouted “stop! Please! I thought you were my friend...I trusted you I-...” he felt his tears stream down, the world going blurry. He could feel as his blood burned in every vein, the fire in his cells screaming as he grit his teeth, but even that made him feel like they were going to fall off.

“What? You loved me? That’s sad Drake, why would I ever love you? Look at me! I go on daring adventures, I stop the world from falling apart, and you? You can’t even convince the police you're not a criminal ” Drake was seein double, double of launchpad and double of jim, but the world was going dark. His thoughts were cloudy. All he could hear was Jim's maniacal laughter.

“They’re starting to remember me” Jim snatched the gun from launchpad and fiddled with it as it became bigger and stronger, he could hear his venomous scowl,

“They feel bad for you kid, why can’t you see that, everyone feels bad for you, that’s the only reason anyone is with you” he could feel something coming out of his ear, the ringing getting louder as he shook. 

“You killed me, the man you looked up too, who would ever call you a hero” he could feel his teeth chattering, fists clenched and drenched in a cold sweat, as he forced himself to stand up. He couldn’t even focus as the world was going dark, he could feel someone's hands wrapped on his sides, in a last attempt to fight back he punched. His energy and force fading away, it felt like he sat in darkness for hours. Trying desperately to fight back. He heard something in the distance.

“Ow...um Drake...Drake wake up!” he felt his heart strain as his energy came back to him, he pushed against the strong grip holding on to him. But the hands didn’t let go, he punched and hit something pretty hard. 

“Drake it’s me launchpad” he yelled even louder “Your friend launchpad!” he heard the soothing voice that came as he stopped struggling “you were having a nightmare, and I tried to wake you up..are you awake?” drake nodded, eyes still shut, “Oh good cause that’s like the third time I said that” he groggily opened his eyes, it was still dark out. He could see launchpad’s tired face, he looked relieved though. He could see bruises starting to form, 

“I- did I do that?” launchpad held him tightly, he gave into the hug, holding launchpad back, 

“Uh..launchpad why are you hugging me?” launchpad let go, “Well you had a nightmare and you kept crying out, you kept saying stuff...I got worried...you were crying” only then did Drake feel the tears he had on his face, he wiped them away. More than embarrassed he looked out the window, drowned in moonlight he scooted away from launchpad, he knew he was pathetic. So useless he had to worry launchpad, he was broken from his thoughts when launchpad spoke quietly, he sounded scared. 

“Drake is everything alright? We all have nightmares…” he faltered, he held onto drake's wrist, doing the same motion drake had done to him earlier. Drake rubbed his temple with the other hand, realizing he hadn’t stopped crying, his heart twisted as Launchpad moved to sit beside him on the bed. The tears rushed, vision blurry. He tried to wipe the tears, his breath was shaky and he struggled to make the twisting in his heart to go away. He didn’t dare look at launchpad, who didn’t let go of his hand, 

“I’m fine, launchpad” he choked out, he grit his teeth, it hurt to think of the words that he could still hear ringing in his head. But launchpad knew he was lying.

Launchpad hesitated as he reached out, he pulled drake into his arms, he spoke quietly “Drake...your not weak...your darkwi-” drake scowled at the words “Don’t say that...I’m no hero-I killed my hero” he didn’t pull away though, he buried his face in launchpad’s chest, the comforting feeling of his feathers in his face. Launchpad struggled with what to do, but he picked up on what Drake was putting down. He had heard what Drake had been screaming when he woke up, he felt the force with which drake had punched him, he saw him crying, he saw him hurt. Almost like he had been tortured in his dream, he held him tightly, he didn’t want to take things too far. Drake was obviously hurt and he knew it would be wrong to do anything but hold him, part of him told him that holding him was already too far.

Drake felt pathetic, taking advantage of launchpad like this, he couldn’t help but embrace him. He knew he was sad but he didn’t think he could stoop so low, but it felt so nice to be held, even if he knew he could never show his face to launchpad ever again. He tried calming his breathing, like he had learned when learning to endure pain. He muttered “I should have stayed a fanboy” he was muttering nonsense as launchpad stroked his back, “Drake we all have bad dreams, it’s okay to have nightmares...it’s okay for them to scare you, we’re all people, we’re not invincible machines.”

Drake cut in “Gizmo duck is” launchpad chuckled “Well I know the person under that suit, and he has fears too, something about the shadow of gizmo duck too big for him to handle...which doesn’t make sense since magica isn’t around.” Drake considered that, that not everyone chooses to be a hero. He could feel his heart ease, his breathing controlled, he hadn’t realized he was having a small panic attack (that was one way to put it). He pulled away from launchpad, trying to look at him, he could see his bruises forming, he reached out but hesitated, ultimately putting his hand down. 

“Did I do that?” his voice was shaky, upset, he looked at his hand, he really had been fighting back. 

“Oh don’t worry Drake, I’ll be better tomorrow” Drake sighed and looked out the window, he wanted to tell Launchpad what was wrong, but the words echoed in his head. The launchpad in his dream called him pathetic, he knew he was, he heart knotted and the ball in his throat grew. He looked at launchpad who had an endearing smile on his goofy face, drake avoided looking him in the eyes “listen you can go back to sleep, sorry for worrying you” 

From the way Drake looked at launchpad it made launchpad feel like he had made him uncomfortable, he knew it wasn’t his place to ask what about the nightmare that scared him. If he wanted to talk then he would, so launchpad nodded, he let go of drake's hand and got up. He smiled at him and said “drake...I’ll always be here, if you need me” he left and went to the spare bedroom down the hall, he tucked himself in and held onto the darkwing plush, drifting off as soon as he got comfortable. 

Drake sighed as he looked down at his shaky hands, he laid back down, his sheets were a bit wet from the sweating, he didn’t care though. He was more concerned with the way the launchpad looked at him as he left, the soft and tender words he said were in his head. They drowned out the dark thoughts that wouldn’t leave before, he felt selfish, making launchpad worry about him. The feeling in his heart was fleeting, with only a tinge of pain coming now and again, he laid flat on his back and controlled his breathing. He promised himself he wouldn’t let anyone see him like that again, that he would drown out the feelings, and stop them from getting to that breaking point. If he couldn’t do it for himself then he would do it for gosalyn and launchpad, darkwing was useless if he couldn’t even control his emotions. He closed his eyes, ready to conquer his dreams, whatever they threw at him, he was ready. 

But drake didn’t dream of anything for the rest of the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Tune in for more!


End file.
